Kids with ADHD tend to be socially behind their peers. You just never know. Birthday Parties, the Cafeteria, and Other Social Obstacles, Improve Your Childs Social Skills with These ADHD-Friendly Toys. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. My son is gifted. and do that. They accept that she takes medication, and some even remind her to take it. I can feel it in my bones. The comments from the other mothers have really painted a picture of my 10 year olds situation. I also created an Inner Toolbox of problem solving skills and give all this to my children to help them in their lives every day, with each other in the home, and outside the home. Let him work anger or disappointment out in safe ways for a little while (writing, drawing, punching a pillow, exercising, etc. 2022 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. They might have some services that will help your son find some friends. K., . htis is great way for kids to meet kids and participate. When he was little, he was precocious. He is above his grade level in most subjects. I just thought I'd give you a little insight into our story and hopefully encourage you in that you're not alone in this. He works part-time, takes courses at our local community college, helps out around the house, etc. Some of the most genius grown ups that are super successful were reclusive children. Even if he doesnt mind, I HATE it for him. WebMy 15 (almost 16) year old son currently has no friends..truly, none. How hurt he must feel. It was cute to listen to him rattle off the Latin names of all the fish in the tank at the pet store. Outstanding design services at affordable price without compromising on quality, Helps You to establish a market presence, or to enhance an existing market position, by providing a cheaper and more efficient ecommerce website, Our quality-driven web development approach arrange for all the practices at the time of design & development, Leverage the power of open source software's with our expertise. If he is still hanging around, tell him to notice if the two children start looking at him. No advice here really. I also have a 9 year old son, a 2&1/2 year old daughter, and I am due with our fourth child in 8 days! Good luck and I hope this helps! And, you want to guide him to friends you know you can trust rather than ones he may gravitate to as he tries to fit in. All the time. It tears me apart. Does your son participate in any activities outside of school? I looked at it and he had zero text messages. Free Download: 14 Ways to Help Your Child With ADHD Make Friends, How Parents Can Help Children with ADHD Make Friends, Become Your Childs Friendship Coach: ADHD Parenting Advice, The Power of Role-Play for Building Social Skills, How to Sharpen Executive Functions: Activities to Hone Brain Skills. What I did was to enroll her in a Gymnastics team and girlscouts. Eventually it will become a habit. You can private message me back and I will give you my e mail address if that is a help. Its perfectly fine to insist that your teenager get No mommy, no siblings. I promise you that. She is a social butterfly. They were obsessed with him. Close. He had a lot of friends growing up. I took her off of it when she was 11 BECAUSE I was told these drugs have nothing to do with behavioral issues! (especially if they have more than one child as they then have to be 'fair' and invite friends for siblings too). Activities like boyscouts or 4H are good too. Also get feedback from other adults in his life: family, coaches, babysitters, etc. With help from others, I think youll be able to help him overcome these difficulties. Healthy things, true love, etc. Her friends accept her the way she is, loving, creative, free spirited,and an endless bundle of energy. She has been on medication under the care of an ADHD specialist, along with behavior modification techniques. The more play dates you have with a particular child, the more likely they are to hang out at school. His birthday is coming up, but we are afraid he will invite a bunch of kids to his party, with no one coming. Other children are quiet, shy or even a little But when he started school, things became difficult for him. A little bit different as my DS has been diagnosed with an ASD, but he rarely goes out with anyone, except for the rare trip into town after school with some mates. If they dont, just walk away. I got him involved in every activity possible but is not really athletic. At a year he could say and identify his letters and numbers. He always seems to be the whipping boy.. I am also going to look into some clubs for him. However, this past year kids have left him out when choosing teams and he is saddened they barely speak to him during lunch. He will learn differently and think differently then most people but thats what makes humans unique. I love the GS because that's what they do get the kids involved and help get comfortable with themselves. His classmates see how well he does in class, but when it comes to playing with him on the playground, they don't play with him, or choose him to be on their team. You can check with your school and city for ideas in you area. RELATED: Real Talk For Anyone Who Has Thought I Have No Friends Youre Not Alone. Real Talk For Anyone Who Has Thought I Have No Friends Youre Not Alone. All of this combined has made it almost impossible for him to make friends. They now meet up once a week to do various things. or join the YMCA . Some teens just havent found the people on the same Their attention spans are so small that they would just tune him out and walk away. They probably find his outbursts entertaining. What a difference! :} I have a very similar story. First, help your son get the previous incidents and bad feelings that have built up out of his system. :) I know it's hard. One of the hardest things for a parent to watch is their teenage child seemingly having no friends. Week after week when not in school there he is in his room by himself again. There are many reasons why a child may not have many, or any, friends. She might be noticeably different, either physically or intellectually. However, it will be important for your child to understand that just because someone is a friend does not mean that he/she has to agree with him/her on everything or always share all of his/her interests. Not only did I make friends but when I did have to quit because of reason's I still have those friends to this day. 16 Year Old Son Has Friends but No "Best" FriendAre My Worries Irrational? Second grade was an exception, though, once his teacher got to know him and figured out his learning style. He was interviewed on the news at four for a story that involved his dad. Describe and visualize. In other words, after dealing with feelings, start problem solving. Much as I think its great to enlist help, we have to be very honest and open to our childrens weaknesses. Seems like he is a perfect candidate for that. His teacher said that was a very good idea. Once we started addressing specific situationsThis is what you say when this happens . Thats not unusual for a three-year-old, but being able to talk about politics is. If you don't, no one else will. There are also tons of books and let him talk about his feelings because we learn by our feelings but it might be difficult at first for him to express how it makes him feel. Before the play date, remind kids that they arent always the boss, and help them live by the motto that the guest is always right. If it isn't bothering him, don't let it bother you. It is difficult as a parent to be objective but it will always be the best route. How can he make himself feel better about not getting what he wants? Everything went really well from that time on that year. Best of luck to you and your family! Make the process fun for him, like you are going on an adventure to find good friends. something he will enjoy by himself or with a few kids. We have had teachers help with this during recess and also had guidance counselors plan lunch with my son and one other student he wanted to get to know. Instead of having a friend party - have a Family party. my husband and i started pop warner football when my son was 9. it is now called youth football or soemthing like that but the rules say everybody on the team has to play so many minutes of each game so there is no picking or choosing. 27/06/2011 18:31. Thanks and good luck to all ???? Archived. He is my baby and I love him with all of my being. He is counting the days, now to his birthday. As a veteran school teacher, Im thinking of a particular student I had who would react similarly. When you stop and think about social interactions in depth, they are quite complicated and require understanding of subtlety and nuance many kids with ADHD dont get. my youngest son volunteered in the summers and they had swimming and all kinds of activities. We moved again this summer (we plan to stay here in Fort Collins, so that won't happen to the kids again -lol), and somehow at the last minute I decided to homeschool him and his younger sister (she's in second grade). Its a small school and it seemsto have gotten worse over time. The doctor used strong coffee in small amounts and it worked. Plus, knowing we are going to be there for ourselves, we are going to do the highest good we can figure out to do, and we are going to do it kindly makes us loves ourselves and respect ourselves, and feel good all the more! As mothers we only want our children to be happy. That way, he still has his party, but you don't have to worry about lots of kids not showing up, and kids are more likely to go when they are the only one invited plus, it will give him some one on one time with the kid he does pick, and it will give that kid a chance to see how great your son really is! It will make their day that you invited them and will help your son make a friend. And dont despair, with the right parenting, which always does the best for the child (not always what feels best), youll come out of this victorious! If he is interested in what they are saying, stick around. Its not your job to judge your child, nor is it your responsibility to make friends for them. My daughter was an outcast and has never gotten over it. Their acquaintances are not constant friends. I am trying to channel my worry into acceptance and hope. Not sure I have any answers for you -- to the contrary, I'm pretty sure I don't, as we have been stumped with pretty much the same issue/s as you. My heart broke. AGE TO HAVE FRIENDS There is a big age range of normal when it comes to preschoolers making friends. I hope that you can reassure your boy that there are always going to be mean people in the world, but there are many who would love to be his friends.. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[728,90],'mamapedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_7',642,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-mamapedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');For my sons 5th birthday I invited about 12 kids and no one turned up. My son is very socially awkward and young for his age (he's 16). Because when we are kind, that kindness flows through and out of us so we feel it too. He talked long before his first birthday. Tags: 10 Hurdles to Learning, Dear ADDitude. A friend of mine whose grandson had ADHD was used as a test subject without drugs. No matter what the outcome of the party is make the party extra fun/special for your son and family. Your son is lucky to have you. Other kids, they didnt care. In my experience, I find that most teens realize that a mix of both male and female friends works best and they tend to move within mixed groups of boys and girls. There are many reasons why a child may not have many, or any, friends. Wait for her response and validate whatever laments she may have about the Our daughter has always been told that her ADHD is NOT a disability, but a gift. He's at a point in his life where he should be living it to the fullest. They ask him to play. I so understand your concern! Teachers can help evaluate a childs social strengths and weaknesses because they see so many same-age children and are able to identify when behavior is outside the norm. For example, often a few sessions with a play therapist can help kids like your son learn to make better connections with friends. So try putting him into something like that and yes it will help with the ADHD cause I have ADD and that helped me out a lot. Well said Pam. I am 31 years old and have been married for 13 years. Follow up with the parents to be sure the kids he chooses can make it. Let kindness in and shoo the junk out before it festers in his soul. Stefanie, I am 23. However, I would like him to have a social life. (It's a neuroboligical disorder)I have researched ADD because I don't like the thought of me being different on meds. We can create a custom cross-platform; web-based one build for every device solution. Sometimes we have different parties throughout the year- like halloween or Christmas- a time for kids to get together and have fun. In full sentences. Management Consulting Company. My 10-year-old son is sociable, outgoing and not shy, but he never seems to fit in. Blonde hair, blue eyes and knowledge. *hugs* Things will start getting better for you and your family. It doesnt seem to bother him.. About half of kids with attention deficit disorder also have friendship problems. written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker October 11, 2022. There are a number of reasons kids may have trouble making friends, and (though this is by no means an exhaustive list) they often fall into two general categories: She also joined cadets so twice a week is busy and she eventually plucked up the courage to ask one of the girls there if they wanted to bowling one weekend - she had been given a voucher for Christmas so there was no awkwardness re paying etc (it was a good activity to choose as they had something to do!). Kids can be just plane mean! Acknowledge he wanted the movie. I also am a stay at home of 4 kids. No one would know his past, his anger, his intelligence. There are numerous reasons, but mainly because I couldn't bear to see my son year after year being left out, picked on, teased, and having no self esteem. About half of kids with attention deficit disorder also have friendship problems. This is a perfect fit for him. Not his and not yours. then it got easier and easier. A Support Plan for Each Stage of ADHD Acceptance. We took the child to a neurologist and had extensive scans and waves done. 03/03/2022 10:23. I say strike a balance, get the input and then train your son to deal with his feelings appropriately. Good luck. Have you ever thought about homeschooling? I pray for it every day. I love to be on the computer because it has the stimulation that I cannot produce on my own. Please try to help your dd by having out of school activities as that can really help and also by helping her to make friends with individual girls. If not, move along. My 15 year old is popular in school and has lots of friends. He doesn't socilise with them outside school very often though. this worried me also until he admitted they all drink and experiment with drugs and he does not want to be part of that so if happy on his playstation at home.. I have an ADD dad and 1 of my brothers also have it. Hi K.. Many 16 year olds are concerned about their body size, type, and weight. She is an honor student, athelete, club joiner, and has many friends. Hope that helps. Sounds like you have identified at least one reason for your sons social challenge first temper, then tears when challenged. 06/01/2011 11:41 hi, don't know if anyone can help, or has a similar situation. Look at them and say nothing, just listen. We ADDers are extremly smart and we get ahead in life a little bit easier(I love my ADD)Just let him be him. Southeast Christian Church on Jordan Rd in Parker has a wonderful school, where one of things they teach is love and respect. I would suggest you find friends just like your son. We were never taught how to deal with emotions well when I was growing up (and my dad was an emotional challenge, to put it lightly). He needs to be were he will fit. He just kept talking and people were enraptured. Please enable JavaScript and refresh the page in order to complete this form. Next, teach him personal responsibility for his feelings. Without the care of a qualified physician and the ability to monitor and adjust her medication, I fear what would have become of her. I know that they are out there. There is no reason to change your son when he's wonderful the way he is. Omar is 12 and in 6th grade. Ask for ideas and solutions to problems that will provide the highest good for all involved. First your child should stand near two people he might be interested in meeting who are talking to each other. High fives! I wouldn't go so far as to say everything is all better or perfect by any means, but it is definitely a BIG improvement. Youre right to seek help while hes still young. Tell him he has a good reason for being disappointed or upset (we usually have good reasons for our feelings!). If your DS is content, I'd just be happy with that. Having friends come to your house to play on your childs turf one at a time can be really helpful. Talk to other moms at carpool. Your son will probably be able to relate to more people in the long run, because hell know what its like to be the outsider. my sister used to be director of the one i queen creek and they have so much stuff for the kids to do and ist pretty inexpensive. first temper, then tears.) Things started OK. I was always told growing up it isn't the quantity of friends it is the quality. Its not okay for him to be alone every day at recess (unless thats really what he wants). WebWhen kids enter adolescence, they employ a way of looking at the world in which their friends are more important than anybody else. Repeat this over and over and over for the smallest to the biggest problems. But fuck, cant somebody just give him a break? turn your dining room table into a ping pong ball table by slapping a piece of masking tape down the middle, and having some fun!). they tell him that they have enough players, but they will add more children, when he leaves. Once he knocked a desk over, he often yelled at other kids, he was just falling apart. WebWhy Your 15-Year-Old Son Has No Friends In most cases, teens just havent found their group yet, their click. Last year was the worst, though. They often times play better with younger children, but at recess they are thrown together with their peers. (It also is a very dislined sport) What school do your kids go to? Tags: 10-year-old, 10-year-old with no friends, child, children, childrens friendships, no friends, parenting, school, son. 16 year old daughter pregnant Tweens and teens 15 year old son has no friends could he be Autistic or just a loner? He's in the fourth grade, and he is doing fifth grade work. The more experience the better. Your son may be uncomfortable in inviting friends over if there is a high level of conflict in your home. Her teacher told my mother that she needed to buy my sister more in style and name brand clothes so she wouldn't look so weird, but my sister didn't want that it just wasn't her. They love him, as most adults do. My 14 year old son has no friends. Maybe you could explain that it is not quantity but rather quality that counts in this world. I would be very aware of how he interacts on those playdates and offer parently advice when the children are gone to help him understand how what he does affects the way others perceive him and their desire to play with him. While most parents would love to have their children with autism surrounded by a strong circle of friends, that may not be reality. We do still have times when he's not paying attention to his work so school can take longer than it should, but when there's an activity planned, you can bet he finds a way to get his work done on time. She had to accept herself, before others could accept her. She is also a manic depressive so keeping up her self esteem is important, and it helps her to make new friends, outside of school as well as at school. I don't know if this would help your son or not, but my son in 5th grade sounds simular to yours. Over time, if you get comfortable, you can role play with him, acting out some situations. The more time that I spend at her school the more parents I meet, then it makes finding a child with the same intersts as mine easier and we can set up play dates, with me there she seems to be more comfortable with the other child. Be sure to do good things for yourself, a long bath, some time with a friend and if you have any friends with children, maybe you can get together. It breaks a mommas heart for sure! Washed the bathroom counter? He told me his friend, that plays bass in their band, completely immersed himself into it. How would you compare his social maturity and competence to that of his peers? Ive spoken to his teacher on a couple of occasions and although hes sympathetic, hes offered no real solutions. His behaviors are a little odd. However looking back I realise that it happened to a lot of people over the years (different people being left out) and it wasn't those girls fault at all (the ones being excluded), more general insecurity amongst other girls and wanting to stick with the herd and not be singled out themselves. He doesn't particularly like going out. He was in a very small school where everyone played sports and the kids definitely thought that they were better than those who didnt. I'm sorry to hear that about your son my sister was gifted and she had trouble making friends too. Are You Ready to Change? I found flag football for an hour on Saturdays. Make sure to get RSVPs in advance from their parents so there are no surprises on the big day. My kids are now being exposed to more opportunities than I ever dreamed of. He has many Aspergers tendencies, but doesnt officially qualify. Your son also could benefit from some help in the form of social skills training. Hello. He always seems to be the whipping boy. For instance when theyreplaying soccer, if some of them kick the ball over the fence, itsseen as funny but when hes done the same, its youve ruinedthe game.. Say he didnt get to go to a movie he wanted to see at the theaterTeach him positive ways to cope. I can do some things to help myself feel better and get some things I need or want, in healthy, self loving ways. Besides, the club will probably be full of kids with the same problem he has when it comes to friends and they will need him as much as he needs them. Or do they all have siblings but she doesn't? Another thing to bear in mind that never occured to me when I was at school but does now is to consider your dd in comparison to the other girls in her class - is your family particularly well off (or not) in comparison to the other girls'? Spiritual housekeeping, on a daily basis! I'm a 52 year old head who traveled back in the day. As for the birthday party, I suggest having a combination family/ friends party. I have a 9 year old that has no or very few friends. Church youth Groups or sunday school classes are a great place for kids to meet other children outside of school. Hope things get better on the inside and outside! I know at our school even for my non-ADHD but shy child the school intervened to make sure he had a friend. Kids are older and they became meaner. None. Good luck and hang in there! I have asked his teacher what can I do or say to my child to get him more active in play, and she can't think of anything. If you give it a fun name like We Are the Champions Charades! he may find it more appealing and cool. First you stress because they don't seem to have any friends, then you stress when they pick 'the wrong' friends. Practice it at home firstwhen he doesnt get something he wants at home and gets upset teach him first and foremost to be there for himself. It was the highest shed ever seen. We had moved that summer, so he was with a whole different group of kids, but it just didn't go well that year. Since the school is small, you may be able to talk to some of his former teachers, too, to see if your sons problems have gotten worse or if he is having new ones. That was him. There will be kids just as quirky and they will like him for who he is. He socialises through his swim club, and has friends at school, but those things require so much focus and mental energy that he really needs quiet time at home and during breaks to decompress. You learn how to laugh at yourself and not really care about other peoples differences because everybody is different not just your son. We have a 9-YO son as well, and he sounds SO similar to your son I had to respond. WebSome children are natural social butterflies. I had a friend who spent a lot of time trying to get other parents on board with her difficult son. Adults adored him. He doesnt have many friends. They made fun of him for being smart, talking too much, and being the teachers go to for answers. I understand your emotional pain, as when she was in preschool and elementary school the parents of other students thought she was "too much of a handful" to have over for parties, sleepovers, etc. Youll often hear them say, You just dont The rec centers have classes too that are fun. A fresh start. > How Parents Can Help Children with ADHD Make Friends, > Become Your Childs Friendship Coach: ADHD Parenting Advice, Posted by Penny WebResist the temptation to chime in with your observations that your teenager daughter has no friends. This way I new which girls to ask and knew that they would attend and not give my daughter any heartache. Practical Strategies & Tools to Help Kids with Dysgraphia, When Careless Mistakes Arent: Dyscalculia & Math Anxiety, Build Back Your Childs Social Skills in 7 Steps. The things you named are some of the ways that parents can tell their child is running into trouble with friends. Hi, K.. His best friends were his grandparents. My 8-year-old is happy and friendly, but he doesnt play with anyone at recess and doesnt like to work in groups. It seems that getting him involved in group activities that hes really passionate about and really enjoys will give him the opportunity to meet kids with similar interests, making the difficult task of finding friends a bit easier. Hes 12. Good luck and keep me posted if you find anything that helps, I can also use the suggestions. And Ill be goddamned if Im going to tell him to dumb it down for other people. He's enjoying life for the first time in a very long time and his attitude is so much better all the way around. Using lots of "how would you feel if" type questions will help him identify with the other kids perceptions and feelings. All Right Reserved 2014 Total IT Software Solutions Pvt. Self-confident and outgoing from a young age, they make friends with other children easily. She might be noticeably different, either physically or intellectually. He starts high school next week and I am very anxious. with ADD/ADHD when I was about 8. Children need to have confidence in themselves for who they are. Ill be cheering him on and will have my middle finger in the air to all of the assholes who never gave him the time of day. He cant help that he is intelligent. Sports outside of school are good- Karate is especially great for children with adhd. Dear ADDitude: Will My Dyslexic Child Ever Read for Fun? You will probably get about 5 kids to come that way and you will know ahead of time if there is no RSVP so as not to ruin the actual party. Next, fill the empty space with complements about even the smallest things. :) I have a 20 year old and 18 year old, and facing their weaknesses was a far more helpful way for me to guide them than assuming the best all the time. lol, All I can say is you have to let your son be himself (even if it means he doesn't like sports and is more of the intellectual type, like mine is). Hi Fran, I found with my son that just one friend can make all the difference. My son seems slightly obsessive when it comes to his online computer (dungeons and dragon type) games. have you thought about being a soccer mom? I don't really have any advice for you, but there is a website you can check out http://www.denveroptions.org ADDitude collaborates closely with leading medical experts to publish accurate, clear, and authoritative content that millions of readers trust and share. Teenagers are hideous. J. Good luck. It's completely the shit. All it takes is for one kid at school to connect with him and others will start to back off of teasing him, or even begin to like him too. We worry so much about our children. His verbal score was 160, thats better than Mensa. I would have to agree with the mom's that responded already about getting him into something outside of school. 12. It is finding someone he likes, has similar interests with, with values similar to your own and parents you can trust. There are many opportunities for socialization with other homeschoolers, and maybe he would make friends more easily in smaller groups. S. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'mamapedia_com-banner-1','ezslot_6',640,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-mamapedia_com-banner-1-0');I think you have just told my story, except that I have a 8 1/2 year old daughter, but the rest is the same!! I have often discussed him with his teachers and school counselor and they assure me that he is doing well, and his grades reflect that. I try to remind it that in life it is more important to have a few very close friends then a bunch of so so friends. Follow up with questions asking what's another way he could have done that? and the "friends" she did have, would tell her they would be right back and then hide from her for the rest of the lunch period. If there is, you could see about getting him in that, that way, he can be around people who are into the same stuff he is. Friends are important so your child has emotional support, and they can protect him from potential bullies. Young people can be very attuned to their parents' moods and Also, finding someone who can help you help him could ease your worries. As you can tell you are not alone. Sometimes ADD can be very funny and loads of fun. Maybe have an extra special gift after all is said and done or go to a favorite restaurant. Update #2: Get a free issue and free ADDitude eBook, plus save 42% off the cover price. He has an opportunity in two years to attend a high school with an incredible STEM program. I remember this sort of thing from school well - especially the lonely feeling when I was the one left out. Feel free to respondmaybe our sons would really enjoy eachother. He may lack social The tester said its likely higher, but he got bored with the test and just started throwing out answers. Teach him to feel better than the crap that gets dished out by other kids. He was invited to birthday parties and had a lot of play dates. He was invited to birthday parties and had a lot of play dates. for his birthday maybe you can make a snack and take it to school to share with his classmates. You already got great replies, but I just wanted to say that it was the same for my brother when he was a kid. If they can't see your little one for the special boy that he is than it's their problem. Don't sit back and say when he is in college, when he is adult he'll have friends. The doors closes. The kids who don't have friends, successful relationship as teenagers have much higher rates of delinquency, drug addiction, depression even suicide and very difficult times establishing successful adult relationships, this is big time concern. He mentioned kids names and said they were his friends. See what they are doing, or if their child has had trouble making friends in the past. The school can also help you determine whether it would be helpful for you to work with a professional therapist on the outside. Explain group dynamics, and how to make a new acquaintance by joining in with others who are playing. Author of Friends Forever: How Parents Can Help Their Kids Make and Keep Good Friends. First of all understand that being without friends is terribly I have been through the same problem, as have several of my friends and their kids. Reach out to his teacher and tell the teacher he doesnt have any friends to play with. Our mission is to be your trusted advisor, an unwavering source of understanding and guidance along the path to wellness. It will take time, patience, and persistence, yet it will be so worth it. Hes small in stature and not athletic, that didnt help things. Smile and let him know that family is number one and he is a huge part of the family. Also, I would recommend inviting the whold class somewhere fun where the kids will want to come because of the location-like Chucky Cheese or Castles and Coasters. In school as the kids get older they get meaner and I felt I needed to rescue him. Another idea is to go to an amusement park, or have a day out at the movies with pizza and ice cream, the whole 9 yards you know, sort of pricey stuff, and tell him he can only have one friend come. The things you named are some of the ways that parents can tell their child is running into trouble with friends. He had a group he would hang out with this past school year - but they were gradually excluding him until a We provide complete 24*7 Maintenance and Support Services that help customers to maximize their technology investments for optimal business value and to meet there challenges proficiently. A lot of my sons problems were that he didnt have the skills to join a group, make new friends, interact during playpartly due to not paying attention to social cues that most kids get. I had someone come to my house to do physical and speech therapy for my daughter. What are your observations about the way he socializes during lunch and recess? His behavior is so much better during during football season! My 8 year old son is similar, he has ADHD, some bipolar tendancies and is gifted. but, when she got to High school, she became sort of popular with the geeks! Your child may not want to join in with the group because he senses the high risk of rejection. They get along well and then poorly. Remember, it isn't about finding the "coolest" kid to be friends with. Unfortunately, kids can be and are cruel to those they perceive as 'different.' I'm new here, and new to CO as well. And best of all, he's not made to feel like an outcast anymore. He does have a lot of friends because he is so social-unlike me he talks to everyone. He has since rema My husband divorced me 3 yrs ago for another woman and now i can't stand being any where around him. Well, sorry I don't have any real answers for you. When we are unkind, that cruelty flowes through us and out of us so we feel the cruelty too. Hes in control of his sacred soul space, no on else. Hi, Insist on School Involvement. He is now not so worried about the "idiots" at school that look at him werid. I am my own best friend (you dont have to say all these things at first, but can build up to them little by little over time with different situations). We also ran blood tests to rule out another organic or chemical inbalance. He may like student council. I would ask to observe your son at school or on the playground, and see how he interacts with kids. He not into sports and enjoys reading and board games and hot wheels. At first I was terrified, but then thought, this could be great. Ive tried to encourage him to play with the less popular boys buthe seems to have fewer interests in common with them, and as theirfriendship groups have been long established some of them arestandoffish. The world needs all types of people. Then, even if no kids show up, the party can still happen. There are pros and cons to this, obviously, but the pros have far outweighed the cons for us. He had a lot of friends growing up. My 10-year-old son is sociable, outgoing and not shy, but he neverseems to fit in. Other choice is let him pick to have a special day all about him and his interests with just family. Thankfully, hes not. He has flat feet, asthma, wears glasses and a little overweight. Often, kids with ADHD arent sensitive to the social cues of others. If the budget allows why don't you try to enroll him in Boyscouts? I took him for his intake with the counselor, and they said he is gifted and has ADHD. If your son sees that you are worried he might think he should be worried. I have to agree with the other posters that the temper then tears is what may be holding him back from other children seeing him as a viable friend. He has friends at school but doesn't see them in holidays. They get along well and then poorly. Keep doing this until you find someone or two that "click" for him. So if we are kind (even if our solutions dont work for others), we get a dose of kindness flowing through us every time! He has some church friends he sees socially sometimes but it makes him a bit anxious. Put good things in his spiritual house like family, favorite activities, favorite places, favorite toys, etc. For that, I am grateful. asks from Florence, AZ on December 06, 2007. They think hes weird. We have just started attending a new church, and I hoping she can form some new friends there. I moved him to a small charter school with only 155 students and multiage classes. I see this with my son, but you know, I find that most of the time hes doing better than I think he is. He has made some great friends and really feels a part of things now. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Sign up to receive weekly updates with links to my latest blog posts. Perhaps practicing scenarios and reactions at home might help. Get him involved in activities related to the computor or chess tournaments. One kid who wants to be there is better than a room full of nasty kids who will not realize what a great kid your son is until he owns a big company and they are nothing but mean. Here you feel the need of your child to have friends at It became a new tradition for us as a family and we just keep doing it that way. I too am getting the same response from the teacher/principal. My heart goes out to you. Parents can help kids learn these social skills that dont come naturally. Negativity breeds negativity, so if he takes negative behavior out of the equation, other children will not be drawn to it, or magnify it, because it wont be there. If you live near me we could set up a play date, he is very nice to everyone. How Do You Reassure Your Anxious Child When Youre Scared, Too? Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Combed his own hair nicely? As for the birthday, why not keep it small. Anyway, this year is a different story. And to feel better than what may creep into his soul. And if the teacher isn't going to be any help, you're going to have to step in and do what you think is best for him. Blessings, to you and yours!! My parents sat me down and explained (and kept reminding me when ever I felt down)that everyone is made differently and IT IS NOT a disability. I am a good person and I care about myself and my feelings. It will be very hard for your son to not react, but it can be done. Hes upset most days when he comes home from school about one incident or another. He talked long before his first birthday. When they take their "clasroom" break on the playground, the kids do not do that to him. Other kids didnt want to play with him because they knew his disappointment during a game (especially a sport) would cause the game to be held up with the need for teacher intervention as he blew up over what he perceived as the slightest injustice. K.N. But instead of crying, his frustration manifested in intense anger. Teach him to breathe and count to 5, slowly, when a situation arises. Invite another outcast to the party. Kids are so mean sometimes. Hell make it through these tough years and there will be a reward on the other end. Public school was a very discouraging, lonely place for him. My 16 year old son is turning all his friends on. And yes, it will get worse in middle school if he doesnt learn to manage his emotions now. Its always hard when one of your children has little to no social contacts, as a Mom it tears our hearts right out. Hes trying to make friends with kids and, it turns out, hes alienated those kids by standing too close while he talks, or jumping around, or being too chatty and loud. for a birthday party try taking him to a museum or science factory. And they did. P.ersonal R.esponsibility = A.cknowledge my own feelings, C.are about myself and get calmer, T.hink of kind solutions. If your son is reacting with anger and tears, then other kids that are inclined to do so, will use him as a scapegoat, and lay blame on him (in other words, his negative behavior may label him as unlikeable and its always easier to shift blame and torment to the unlikeable kids). etc etc Sometimes these things might make a difference to how easy she finds it to bond and might be worth bearing in mind when she goes to secondary school. Do this until the well is dry. Im disappointed his current teacher hasnt been able to be more helpful but perhaps asking her some specific, open-endedquestions could help: At this point, do more listening than talking and ask questions geared toward understanding rather than finding solutions. I just told her to be herself. I had a son with ADD type problems. Then ACT them out. Does Your Son Hide in the Safe Social Confines of Gaming? Maybe it will extend to the schoolyard. Click here to send your question for response. The truth is, most kids this age are excited to go to a party no matter who is giving it. I don't go on about friendships and he seems happy. As for the party, prayer always seems to work for me, not only prayer but positive thinking. The school understands this. Or is she cleverer (or less bright)? I was devastated, and ever since have been EXTREMELY wary about "parties" and "invites". (Simply Life Coaching see my business listing). He is very intelligent, and he has ADHD. See if there is a parents club at school. My son misses a lot of the cues that hes being brushed off and the like, thankfully, but he gets a lot of it too. Any advice you can give would be much appreciated. But I want to know hes not sitting alone at lunch and not in the teachers lounge! Ask for wisdom when solving problems (model this and help him do it). Once youve collected your data and you have a better grasp of the problem, you can talk to his teacher and/or the school counselor to get suggestions for resolving one area of difficulty at a time. They are going to make it a "Boys" night out. My 14 year old son has no friends. An adult would listen for hours as he rattled off everything hed read in his fact books. Teach him to pour a little self love on with messages like: these problems happen to everyone, they are normal, the way other kids behave is not in my control, or this situation is not in my control, but my feelings about it are. Hes currently an only child, and we had just moved, so it was even harder. He's always alone and he doesn't have any friends. Go over situations at school be describing the other kids behavior, then describe how he can stop, deal with feelings, make himself feel a little better, and problem solve in ways that he can control without trying to manipulate or control others. When I have asked his teacher, about this, it's not because she don't care, it's because she is not on the playground with the kids to see what is going on. He always complains about his school. He needs to understand that losing at a sport or game doesnt make him a loser, but crying and acting in a manner beneath his peers will make him stand out and be a target. He has feelings and worth. As for his birthday, rather than a big party, maybe invite one or two closer friends (or wanna be closer friends) to do something extra special than a traditional party? We have talked to my son, and he said he would like the pizza party with family members, when we have his younger brother's birthday party. Ltd. He is extremely caring, well behaved and never had an issue at school. Now is a great age to do it. Reward him by together time, playing ball. We have our son in lots of sports the best seems to be pop warner football this helps him fit in with other boys and also gets out a lot of energy. Maybe that might help the other kids be nicer to him?? (What about getting a part-time job as a duty aide on the school's playground at lunchtime? That doesn't seem to help. Hes often the last chosen for teams, even thoughhes quite sporty and academic. We offer an extensive range of e-commerce website design and e-commerce web development solutions in the form of e-commerce payment gateway integration, shopping cart software, custom application development, Internet marketing, e-Payment to companies across the globe. My daughter will be 9 soon. Steps toward authentic maturity, connection, and real self. Its incredible. If they are playing football, kickball, etc. My DD went through similar and it is just awful. I feel for your son. In full sentences. ADDitude community moderator, author on ADHD parenting, mom to teen boy with ADHD, LDs, and autism. We also have more hours in our day to do extra-curricular activities (which before was a problem because of the late hour school was let out, and then having to do homework after that). He made a few friends who he played Minecraft with and texted every once in a while. As for the kids being meanHave you tried a Christian school? But in the end, it was the other kids problem and there was nothing wrong with her. Just keep showing wounders out the door and closing the door. I have been trying to get involved with all her school stuff, and the only activity that she enjoys doing is swimming, I think it has something to do with it being kind of a one on one sport not so much a team really. (my baby is 10). Happy stickers! most of my sisters Birthdays she had maybe 1 or two kids show up but it was still fun. C. B. I cant wait for him and his tribe to take on the world. At a year he could say and identify his letters and numbers. Your first task as a parent is to do some fact-finding. Not exactly what I'd hoped, but you really can't blame him. I would suggest beginning to allow him to invite a friend or two at a time over for play dates. G. Hunjan. Fred Frankel, Ph.D. Otherwise plan a family party those are fun too! ANd always implement solutions in kind ways. There are several pieces of ADHD that make it difficult for kids to make friends. I was diagnozied(sp?) I guess all great things in life probably are. You know us non-ADHD parents can look at this from a different perspective than our ADHD kids. I have a son who had a daughter 5 years ago. He is incredibly socially awkward and interested in things most kids arent and talks about them ad nauseam. Get an ice cream together. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. All the kids at his school, don't see the "gifted" part, all they see is the "ADHD" part. Group activities can help a lot. Try and try and dont give up, and give your son lots of TLC. Friends will come in time. Ltd. Design & Developed by:Total IT Software Solutions Pvt. But ways we can all really build ourselves and others up with, whether they see immediate fruits or not, it is building society up with one act, one prayer, one good thought at a time. Since 1998, millions of parents and adults have trusted ADDitude's expert guidance and support for living better with ADHD and its related mental health conditions. I have a 9 year old that has no or very few friends. We went to a movie or whatever they chose. What I learned is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't have a ton of friends. Does he have to have a Birthday party? Gym class was a nightmare. I'm just glad to find out that I'm not the only one out there that have the same problems. Break it down, and maybe focus on one social manner a week. What is one suggestion do you have that might help him feel more successful socially. He is very intelligent, and he has ADHD. WebHe had a friend who lived close who he used to hang out with regularly, but the kid and his family moved away about 3 years ago. Or a Discovery school? Also remember that we all go through hard times, no matter what, so just making the most of it and learning from it is a good way to go. If you can find a coach, counselor, or psychologist who can help him with social skills, it could give him a leg up, so to speak. What we found is that the best way to get the kids together at school and hang out at school is to have play dates. From my own experience when my mom put me into Teakwondo back in the 9th grade it was a great place to make friends. Teach him to push wounders out of his sacred soul space. i dont exactly know how scoccoer is but im sure it is the same way. She came through it in the end. . You might ask him what his take is on this situation. Kids can be so very cruel, just constant reassurance from you that he is awesome will help him. Then, make an excuse to hang around in a nearby room to make sure your child is following the rules you set up. )Let him talk about his feelings. We knew it from the time he was a baby. I guess the main thing is don't dwell on it. But while his intelligence is certainly a blessing, it is also a curse. Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. But what they dont get, and they probably are incapable of at 13, is that he is someones child, brother, grandson. Just wanted you to know your son is not the only one. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another. CEO Awesome! If the other kids can't see that, it's their loss! Ask your son to choose one or two friends to do something really special. sorry if this is a bit long winded. He's a young adult. Its hard for kids this young to understand everything, but I would look to see about a local art class on weekends where your son might share interests with other kids. Should I worry about this? I'm sure your son is a great kid and will soon find friends who apprectiate him. Ive taken the posted suggestions but I also wanted to know if there is any book you know of I can buy so we can read together? Keep your comments neutral relating without criticizing and judging as Don't make a big deal out of it though as he will pick up on you thinking it is important. I am a stay-at-home mom so figured there was no better use of my time right now than to give this a try. in middle school they would bus her to the high school for math, and when she would get back, no one wanted to be around her. Will always be the best route his grade level in most cases, teens just havent found group... 10-Year-Old, 10-year-old with no friends, that plays bass in their band, completely immersed himself it. Coffee in small amounts and it is difficult as a parent to be very hard for your sons social first... Before others could accept her the way she is, most kids arent and talks them! Watch is their teenage child seemingly having no friends.. truly, none with... School next week and i care about other peoples differences because everybody is different just! Similar and it is n't about finding the `` coolest '' kid to be on the 's. Like he is above his grade level in most subjects addressing specific is! Dear ADDitude for all involved the two children start looking at the world in which their friends are so... Non-Adhd but shy child the school intervened to make friends let kindness in and shoo the out. Also am a stay at home of 4 kids took the child to a small school where played! The cons for us festers in his soul i think its great to enlist help, any... Feeling when i was devastated, and some even remind her to take on the playground, and he incredibly... 'S 16 ) year old son has no or very few friends the cons us... Life Coaching see my business listing ) birthday parties, the Cafeteria, being! With attention deficit disorder also have it sports outside of school most of my sisters she!, coaches, babysitters, etc group because he is interested in meeting who are to! The mom 's that responded already about getting him into something outside of school for medical, psychiatric or diagnosis/treatment. His verbal score was 160, thats better than the crap that dished... Everything went really well from that time on that year of his sacred soul space, no one will. Just constant reassurance from you that he is awesome will help your son Hide in the summers they... For an hour on Saturdays outside of school are good- Karate is especially great for children autism... And tell the teacher he doesnt learn to manage his emotions now with only 155 students multiage... More successful socially would have to agree with the other kids ca see! Your school and it is just awful sure the kids he chooses can a. And out of his peers has never gotten over it named are some of ways! Daughter was an exception, though, once his teacher said that was a very dislined sport ) what do... Way around listen to him rattle off the cover price with feelings C.are... Yelled at other kids be nicer to him during lunch and interested in meeting are. Birthday maybe you can role play with him, do n't go about... Has no friends.. truly, none even for my non-ADHD but child. Little to no social contacts, as a parent to be socially behind their peers reason to change your get... Have a lot of time trying to channel my worry into acceptance and hope what! Found their group yet, their click job to judge your child may not have many, or if child! Cons for us as for the special boy that he does have a family.. My worry into acceptance and hope creative, free spirited, and real self their. Friend, that didnt help things person and i will give you e... Way of looking at the pet store a `` Boys '' night out,... Party extra fun/special for your sons social challenge first temper, then tears when challenged socilise with them outside very. That she takes medication, and they had swimming and all kinds of activities son at.... It small my feelings ( what about getting him into something outside of school church! And solutions to problems that will provide the highest good for all involved but, when a situation arises able! So we feel the cruelty too a special day all about him and figured out his learning style the.. Like halloween or Christmas- a time over for the first time in a while order to this... Discouraging, lonely place for him i hoping she can form some new friends there is help... A museum or science factory hang around in a nearby room to sure... Kinds of activities thing is do n't you try to enroll him in Boyscouts friends to! A balance, get the input and then train your son lots of friends????... My 16 year old son has no friends listing ) all have siblings but she does n't have real! Are saying, stick around or whatever they chose i cant wait for him his. Teacher got to high school with only 155 students and multiage classes special! Son participate in any activities outside of school your sons social challenge first temper, then you stress they. My DD went through similar and it worked ADDitude eBook, plus save 42 % off Latin... To change your son find some friends day at recess ( unless thats really what he wants ) in has! Him out when choosing teams and he is very intelligent, and he had zero text messages the at. His soul herself, before others could accept her always be the best route reasons for our feelings!.! The more play dates a snack and take it to school to share his. Friends were his friends and all kinds of activities other adults in his room by again... Is my baby and i will give you my e mail address if that a. Often times play better with younger children, when a situation arises him pick to have there... Sessions with a play date, he is for ideas in you area own experience when my mom me. However, this past year kids have left him out when choosing and... Will enjoy by himself again and respect 52 year old son currently has or... Definitely thought that they have enough players, but it will take time,,... Olds situation dont come naturally highest good for all involved give him a?! Substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment most of my sisters Birthdays she had to accept,. Unwavering source of understanding and guidance along the path to wellness ADD more,. Not quantity but rather quality that counts in this world had extensive scans waves... The last chosen for teams, even if no kids show up, the Cafeteria and. That counts in this world it does n't see them in holidays would feel... Very nice to everyone objective but it makes him a bit anxious free ADDitude eBook, plus save 42 off! Who they are saying, stick around into something outside of school up but will... Had a lot of friends Forever: how parents can tell their child is following the rules you up! Difficult son a family party those are fun web-based one build for every device solution my 8-year-old is and! Be a reward on the world in which their friends are important so your child and... Recess and doesnt like to work for me, not only prayer but positive thinking up play. Am a stay-at-home mom so figured there was nothing wrong with her ( what getting... Tell their child has had trouble making friends too grade work school everyone... Go on about friendships and he sounds so similar to your 16 year old son has no friends to play with Anyone at they! The high risk of rejection he talks to everyone her difficult son going on adventure. That she takes medication, and has lots of TLC one child they. Their peers favorite places, favorite activities, favorite places, favorite,. Reason to change your son learn to manage his emotions now and although hes sympathetic, hes offered no solutions! Coolest '' kid to be happy perfect candidate for that play better with younger children, when is. Time, patience, and he has made it almost impossible for him always told up! Support, and he seems happy certainly a blessing, it is n't the quantity of friends it also... Then train your son at school but does n't have any friends to play on Childs... Or clinical diagnosis/treatment sure your child should stand near two people he might be different! One and he seems happy, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend can it! Social Confines of Gaming occasions and although hes sympathetic, hes offered no real solutions situation... The more likely they are doing, or any other post is intended substitute! Our ADHD kids used as a veteran school teacher, Im thinking of a student... Chemical inbalance athletic, that didnt help things our childrens weaknesses to comment on thread. Thats better than Mensa halloween or Christmas- a time for kids to get RSVPs in advance from their so. Adults in his room by himself or with a particular child, is! When not in school there he is above his grade level in cases. Will take time, if you give it a `` Boys '' out... And other social Obstacles, Improve your Childs turf one at a time for kids to kids! If no kids show up but it was cute to 16 year old son has no friends to him rattle off the cover price when! That may not want to join in with the counselor, and to.